How to Get Rid of Voles and Moles Permanently

How to Get Rid of Voles and Moles Permanently

Hey buddy,

So, let me tell you. When I woke up one morning and found my garden looking like a scene from a horror movie, I realized I had some unwanted guests. Yup, I’m talking about those little sneaky critters—voles and moles. Like, OMG! It was like a mini monster invasion in my backyard. So, if you’re dealing with these fuzzy intruders too, buckle up! I’m gonna share all the hilarious ways to kick those little diggers to the curb for good.

Step 1: Gather the Troops
First thing first. You gotta rally your friends for backup! This is war! Tell them there’s free pizza involved so they can bring shovels, forks, or whatever they have that looks like it could help! And don’t forget your dog because dogs love chasing stuff and barking at nothing which is kinda helpful too. Plus, it makes you look cool when you shout “To battle!”

Step 2: Create a Trap House
So here’s the deal. You gotta make some traps—like a trap house but way less fun! You can buy fancy traps online or just use an old bucket and fill it with water (make sure it’s deep enough). Then put some yummy bait on top—like peanut butter flavored with sprinkles because who wouldn’t want that? This will totally bring in those hungry moles thinking they found an all-you-can-eat buffet.

Step 3: Call in a Secret Weapon
And guess what? Your secret weapon is… cats! Seriously though, cats are basically tiny ninjas that love hunting stuff. Go grab yourself a cat or borrow one from a friend who has way too many cats anyway (or offer to babysit their feline army). Once they realize where the action is happening outside, it’ll be game on for them while you sit back eating popcorn watching the show unfold.

Step 4: Talk Trash
Okay, this part sounds weird but hear me out! Use trash talk against those voles and moles! Stand outside and yell funny insults like “Ya’ll are cuter than my ex but still need to leave!” Make sure you do this at random hours so the neighbors think you’ve finally lost it (but who cares?). The noise might just scare them away—or at least give them something funny to share at their mole coffee shop later on.

Step 5: The Power of Noise
Cuz everybody knows how much critters hate loud noises! You can blow an air horn constantly or even play some heavy metal music on full blast in your backyard—preferably something with lots of growling guitars that would make anyone run for cover including your pet goldfish. Just imagine moles trying to jam out while digging tunnels; they won’t stand a chance against your epic playlist!

Step 6: DIY Natural Repellent
And if none of that works yet… grab yourself some garlic powder. I know it sounds weird but guess what? Moles hate garlic like vampires hate sunlight (or so I’ve heard). Just mix garlic powder with water in a spray bottle and douse your garden like you’re making some kind of delicious potion. They’ll be like running away shouting “No more garlic bread!”

Step 7: Become Their Boss
Finally, you could just try being friends with them instead of enemies (not really). Start leaving cute little notes saying “Please leave my garden alone” which is totally not awkward right?! Maybe they’ll take sympathy and go find another spot without all your nagging about personal space issues—and hey…who knows? They might even send you flowers as an apology gift instead of digging up yours.

Fun FAQ Section

Question: What’s big deal about voles and moles?
Answer: Well they dig holes everywhere and make your garden look like it got attacked by tiny excavators!

Question: How long does this take?
Answer: Who knows? It could take forever or maybe tomorrow they’ll leave after hearing your playlists.

Question: Can dogs chase them away?
Answer: Dogs are awesome at barking but not always great at catching…just enjoy the show.

Question: Will louder music really scare them?
Answer: Totally! But also prepare for karaoke night cause you’ll want to sing along.

Question: Do I need permits for traps?
Answer: Ummm not usually…unless you live near super strict neighbors who call the authorities over lawn decor.

Question: Are there safe traps available?
Answer: Yes dude there are tons of humane options out there but hey…how else will we get our exercise anyway right?!

Question: Can I keep both pets if moles come back?
Answer: Absolutely! Just prepare yourself for hilarious chaos every time they go nuts trying catch some furry friends!

So there ya go buddy—the ultimate guide on how to send voles and moles packing forever (hopefully!). Good luck with your newfound war tactics!!!